Honor: 54 [ Give / Take ]
8 entries this month
Questions and Answers
20:34 Aug 20 2006
Times Read: 961
~~~What do you want to do in life?~~~
I want to do as much as possible in the time I have. I want to achieve self acceptance and I want to learn when I should give up on battles. I want to get married one day and start a family, but only when I am emotionally stable. I want to have probably 2 children and it doesn't matter whether they are boys or girls. I want to have a good paying job. I want to finish my programs with my associate degrees at Bel Tech and then I want to save the money so I can further my education even more. I want to, later in life and after I learn to distance myself from others' problems, I want to get a degree in the field of psychology so I can help even more people than what I attempt to now. I want to say I made a difference in the world, no matter how little that difference is and I want to be able to say that I helped others to go on where I tried to give up in the past.
~~~Where do you want to be in five years?~~~
I am hoping that I have received my associates degrees by then and that I will possibly be attending a four year college. Depending on the jobs available around here, I might find myself living in Columbus or Pittsburgh, or driving there for work everyday depends on what is going on at the time.
~~~Where do you want to go in life?~~~
Where do I want to go? I want to go anywhere I am meant to be and if I have a gut feeling about it then I will probably do it unless my feelings towards it are bad and ominous. I don't know whether I want to stay around here or not. I know I wanted out of the valley when I was little and while I was in high school and even sometimes right now, but I love it here. It is peaceful, even though people know your business and harass when they do not believe in the same things as you do. But at the same time, I just want out of here. I feel I can never truly move on from my past unless I do get away from all the memories and the people causing them and the nightmares. But that just makes me think I am trying to run away from the past and confronting it. I don't want to run so I will try to work through those problems while I am around here.
Just Some Off of my Mind For Now
15:39 Aug 10 2006
Times Read: 980
I have been sick now for two weeks tomorrow. I have not only been dealing with that though. I have been feeling emotionally drained too. No matter how much I try to rest, I cannot sleep. The only thing making me feel better is when I talk to Brett online or on the phone and when I go into the sun. They both seem to brighten my day up. But yesterday was the worse of this sickness, or at least I am hoping the worse of it. I couldn't stop throwing up and I just started screaming and crying because of the pain in my chest from it all. I feel like I cannot breath most of the time now. So I am taking some antibotics and going to try a remedy tonight that Brett told me to do. Hopefully I can get over it all.
The homework is um coming along, I guess. I got some more of my Math done and a little bit of my English. But yesterday and last night were more or less just sleeping. But at least I have started to do it. I already decided that I am doing my Photoshop homework probably next week. And I have to do Copyright and Communication this weekend for sure, along with my English and Math. *groans* Yes, I know I am whining when I was the one who did all of this to myself. Oh well, I am at least doing it all. I just won't be able to go anywhere at all this weekend. I know tomorrow I will be either working on notes for my research paper and/or writing it or I will be working on my Math homework since that will be the most time consuming. I know I can do my research paper and the notes at the same time so no big deal really. So yeah looks like tonight it is going to be Communication homework along with Math and tomorrow is English, Math, and Copyright if I have time.
Besides that, I have not seen my nephew since Tommy and I broke up the first time. That has almost been a month. I miss him so much but I don't think I am ready for the tears when he asks me when Tommy is coming back. I know I will probably take Brett to meet Tyler since hei s the only one I care about what he thinks. No one else's opinion of Brett matters to me more than my little Brat Baby. But I know Tyler will like him, now whether or not he will trust him since Tommy won't be coming back, I don't know, probably not. I just hope everything works out...
This Weekend is Going to be Hell...
20:36 Aug 09 2006
Times Read: 986
This whole weekend is going to be nothing but working on homework I have gotten behind on. It is my own fault that I have been procrastinating this whole time but damn it some things seem more important to me right now. I will get caught up though. I always manage to get everything done before the final deadline and this time will be no different. I have so much to do though that I don't know what class to start in so I basically am starting on my Mathematics homework, then English, then Copyright, then Communication, and then finally Photoshop. The only class I am not pissing around in is my Psychology class which I love.
There is only about three weeks until the quarter ends and all I know is that I have to get done. Only problem is... I might have to give up some time on here and on the phone to finish it all. So while Brett cannot call me and while he is class, where I'm not, I am going to be working my ass off so that when he can call me, I have the time. Of course, even if I didn't have the time, I would make the time for him. No one is like him, or ever will be.
Yay! The great news is that Brett is coming up here to see me with a couple of his friends!! I am so happy about it and so far it seems like everything is working out. I am just trying to get everything done and set in stone with my grades and homework and final projects being done but yeah he is coming!!!
Our True Form
10:01 Aug 08 2006
Times Read: 997
This from fyrestrike's journal. I placed it here since I know he won't mind, or I hope not. And because it concerns me and him.
our true form
19:04:11 - Aug 07 2006
Times Read: 4
I can see myself Walking out from the fires. I have Massive wings that are the blackest of black. At the end of each wing is a sick and sinister looking talon, it is about 6 inches in length and looks like it has been used… My eyes flicker back and forth from a dead black to an extremely angry red. I have long jet black hair And I wear a look that burns into people… I am also branded with a tattoo that reminds me of a trinity, but it is literally on fire, the tattooed flames are moving. I have a scar going through my left eye. As I walk, I merge with you And for a split second there is a blinding flash and then we start to separate… I have now changed, the talons that I had are now down to about 2 inches… The scar on my eye is gone, completely gone. My wings are white except for the every edge, where they look like they have been burnt. Yours look the same as mine, and you also have the trinity tattoo, except your isn’t living flame… Your eyes, they are no one solid color… they look as if they have had colors explodes in them, streaks of colors that I have never seen before… My eyes have solidified into a deep sea green with minor color bursts in them… It is like your soul has washed mine and made it worthy of you. Our auras are almost totally blended, almost as if our energies are running on the same wave…. I don’t know how else to explain it other then beautiful.
Moving On...
10:00 Aug 08 2006
Times Read: 998
A lot has happened since I wrote in here last. Brett and I are now dating and we figured out last night a possible way for him to come and see me. Only thing is that he will have to go back. I don't want him to and I know he doesn't but he needs to and that means that he will be going back no matter what. At least until he completes what he needs to.
Wow...
14:10 Aug 03 2006
Times Read: 1,016
I don't even know I feel right now. My emotions are racing and the only one in front is that of happiness. I feel guilt from everything happening so fast and the ones hurt in the process but we both have made the decision and refuse to leave the other behind. I feel bad because of how everything has unfolded but I then think of how this would have never happened if it didn't happen like it has.
Only two words describe how I feel right now. One is wow. I am astonished that I spoke the three words that I have such a great fear of anymore. But the words are so simple but they hold such a great meaning behind them. A meaning that is more precious than anything in the world or at least they are held in my eyes as they are more precious. The other word that describes how I feel right now word be happiness. Even when Tommy called me on Tuesday night (about midnight), the only person I could think about was Brett. I felt horrible that I was thinking of another when I should have been concentrating on the voice on the phone but it reassured me what I had already figured out and knew. I know that he won't change and that I will never trust him like I did at one time but I know that I am happy with Brett. He always makes me laugh and smile, even when my day felt like I was in a separate hell. He makes me feel every single emotions under the sun and moon that I could possibly feel. He is everything that I could ask for and more.
We have always felt a connection and always knew how the other felt when it came to the other but we denied the feelings existed. He knew before I would admit that I liked him and wanted to be with him. August 3, 2006, I said the three words that were always on the tip of my tongue with him. I said I love you to him finally and it scared me to death when I did but I don't regret anything and my feelings behind those words are true.
Wrong or not?
12:56 Aug 02 2006
Times Read: 1,023
Was it a mistake writing and doing the entry below?
I don't know anymore. I just unloaded a hell of a lot of him. I shouldn't have. I know it. Yet I needed to get it out somehow. God I hope he just does what will make him happy, that is all I wish happens.
Getting Some Things Off my Mind Like You Wanted10:41 Aug 02 2006
Times Read: 1,028
Okay this is important for me to get out. I cannot think or continue to get anything in my life done until I get this somehow out of my mind and onto paper, a message, or from my lips. Somehow it needs to come out. I cannot say it, although I have tried well over 20 times to say it to him. I have tried typing it but I become paralyzed in fear. I had wrote it in my notebook on July 30 at 9:12 p.m. And here it is... I just hope it does not backfire as I am scared it will.
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